February 7, 2022 | I feel myself slipping into the next phase. I ended up relieving myself of all production based goals and practices for a bit there. I needed the time to acclimate to family life with the additional child. I truly am the laundry queen these days, and thank the cosmos daily that we aren’t doing coin laundry anymore. This past weekend, I noticed the simultaneous anxiety of doing nothing and the urge to get back to it. Mom was in town so really, there was nothing to do but hang with her, but a different me would have used the distraction to sneak off to the studio for an hour or two.

I’m so grateful that I heard Lee Nowell-Wilson and Kaylan Buteyn’s conversation about their collaborative residency and the experience of mothering while making work about being mothers, otherwise, I’d probably be feeling pretty shitty about my residency thus far. In reality, I forgot what it;s like in these first few months and am not prepared to steamroll my way through it. Because of my commitment to this project, I have kept art-making and my work at the front of my mind as I lounge my way through teaching Paul to nap, and all the cuddling.

I’m not sure if I’m ever going to get to the plan I outlined below. My solo show is looking to be later in 2023 so this winter became about experimenting and exploration rather than production, which feels really really good. It became about walking, which sadly is on hold this week (nap practice again). Maybe that’s why I’m here at 5am writing, because I need to be keeping some sort of special practice alive for myself.

What I have been doing :

Making quilt flags. I love these. I began by quilting one letter/day, directly inspired by Jeffery Sincich, and the current quality of my (mom)brain. I’m wokring on my second one now, which will read, Water, Always. This flag will serve as a two-fold necessary reminder that I will hang in my kitchen. It’s a reminder to drink more water throughout the day, and also a reminder that when things feel wound too tight, or that I am about to explode, that water is the antidote to the fire. It’s blue and black and made with a dress that my mom wore in the 70’s and bits from a natural dye class I took at the beginning of my allergy fiasco and when Sue died. Potent stuff I tell ya. I am thoroughly enjoying handling scraps from my fabric collection regularly. I have ironed a small stack of on-deck bits and they make me feel so full. I’m also enjoying the calm that comes with knowing that I may have found the answer to all of the fabric I have saved over the years. I am excited to make a flag with my mom’s old robe. It’s a worn white and I’m wondering if I can heal some bits of our relationship through spending the time it will take to turn it into a flag.

Walking. I clocked 19 walks in January, most of which were with Paul <3 I make a point to leave my headphones at home and it’s been really lovely to let my mind wander. It’s been wonderful to experience my first northern Michigan winter up close. The snow cover makes everything so peaceful, serene. It makes it all feel so important,

Figure Drawing, I dropped in to a Life Drawing Class at the local college. It has been a potent dip into a past Lindsey. The one that smoked cigarettes, had charcoal on her face most of the time, slept by the river and lived and breathed making making making. Damn was art school fun. Milo wrote me a little ‘I love you’ note and stuck it in my box of drawing materials before my first class. I felt like the luckiest one in the room when I found it as I was setting up. Also, for the record, I still got it.

What I’m thinking about doing :

A winter set of cyanotypes. Mostly as a way to clarify to myself and the world that I will not let the cold inhibit my process.

Getting back into the studio and busting out all the little collages.

Sacrificing two paintings that I absolutely love but haven’t resolved in almost two years. I started them in March 2020, part of the first round of work in the New Buffalo Studio. They may be the first leap into using the Singer as a tool for larger scale collage. I need to keep reminding myself that the best collages come from the best materials.

Obtaining a more functional studio. I don’t have a timeline for this but have really been desiring a workspace with more room, windows and some separation from the rest of my world. My neighbor has a sick garage space that I’m eyeing.

December 29, 2021 | Milo is at my parents and after having him home (unexpectedly) for a solid week before Christmas I thought I’d get a bunch of writing/thinking/organizing done. Instead I’m listening to all of the end of the year astrology podcasts, because I can do that while holding/nursing Paul. The astrologers all agree that I should slow down, not plan, and consider letting it all unravel. Sounds kind of like swimming with the current right now : )

I’d already cut back my ARIM gols majorly. I basically did the proposed plan above for one day and then realized how unrealistic it was. I’m currently typing with one hand because Paul will only sleep on me today. It’s okay, he’s so cute : ) I’ll revisit this on Monday but I’m thinking now that I’ll adapt things slightly:

(1) Jan 3-28 (2) Jan 31 - April 18.

DAILY PRACTICE

1

One hour/day of carefree making

Walk with Paul (everyday but Fri : )

Create schedule

Create outline for Morning Ritual for part 2.

2

Morning Ritual - meditation/incubation practice (30min?)

One hour/day of carefree making

Walk with Paul (everyday but Fri : )

Maintain schedule

STUDIO / SOLO

1

Saturday and ‘whenever you can’ studio time

Astro Map Production (2 left)

Send Lee info for Solo / confirm date (June or Sept 2023?)- ‘Kaleidescope’

Create calendar / schedule for 2

Prep Studio (Get space heater)

ID larger space to make big work - apply to GH res.

2

15 hours/week studio time

Fine tune structure/meaning for solo show work (installation? 3d?)

Maintain studio calendar (larger scope work production) with bi-weekly check ins, tackle large works early

Write 1 day/week during studio time

[On two streams of loss] ‘One was the historian’s yearning to hang onto everything, write everything down, to try to keep everything from slipping away, and the historian’s joy in retrieving out of archives and interviews what was almost forgotten, almost out of reach forever. But the other stream is the common experience that too many things are vanishing without replacement in our time. At any given moment the sun is setting someplace on earth, and another day is slipping away largely undocumented as people slide into dreams that will seldom be remembered when they awaken. Only the continuation of abundance makes loss sustainable, makes it natural. There are more sunrises coming, but even dreams could be emptied out.’

A Field Guide to Getting Lost | Rebecca Solnit

I have been planning to participate in The Artist Residency in Motherhood project since I heard of it, way back when I was just beginning to show. I signed up immediately and optimistically put my start date as October 1, 2 days after Paul’s due date. I knew I’d be starting sloppy but my intention ‘not to stop making’ was clear and relatively successful thus far. Today is November 16, the holiday offerings are up and scheduled to be announced and I finally went back through my ARIM notes and made THE PLAN.

LCN ARTIST RESIDENCY IN MOTHERHOOD | November 17, 2021 - April 18, 2022

Through creating and maintaining clear goals and a schedule I will cultivate a strong practice grounded in The Art of Documentation. I’ve been using this word, documentation, in statements and art writing for a long time but it’s always been more of a mental state than a formal process. In the next year I intend to push the documentation aspect of my work, meaning I will do a lot of writing and work in a sketchbook, as well as include photos, collections and other forms of documentation not yet determined.. I will be my own subject matter and this unique time in my life will be the backdrop.

The meat of the residency will be based around three different aspects, daily practice, making work for an upcoming solo show, and building community . The time frame of this residency will be divided into two parts, (1) November 17 - December 31 and (2) Jan 3-April 18.

DAILY PRACTICE

1

One hour/day of carefree making

Walk with Paul (everyday but Fri : )

Maintain schedule

Create outline for Morning Ritual for part 2.

2

Morning Ritual - meditation/incubation practice

Walk with Paul (everyday but Fri : )

Maintain schedule

STUDIO / SOLO

1

Saturday and ‘whenever you can’ studio time

Astro Map Production

Fine tune structure for solo show work

Create calendar / schedule for studio / solo work

Prep Studio (Get space heater, obtain large collage materials) - ID larger space to make big work?

Figure out how to back wrap Paul

2

15 hours/week studio time

Maintain studio calendar (larger scope work production) with bi-weekly check ins, tackle large works early

Write 1 day/week during studio time

Solo work 75% complete by April

BUILDING COMMUNITY

Gallery visits (1-3 per month)

Cultivate relationships in Petoskey area (Art based - attend events, reach out and follow through) (Mom/Linz friends - 1 hang/week)

Cultivate Art Relations worldwide (Artist/Mother Network, online classes, newsletter)

ACCOUNTABILITY

Clock in / out of studio

Bi-weekly posts on website with photos/video/writing

An issue that I know upfront that I’ll run into is following my proposed schedule. Switching tasks (particularly when I’m in the studio) is not my forte. A big part of my schedule system is to set an alarm an hour before school pick up and STOP working. I’ll set an alarm to go for a walk and then put on my shoes and get out the door. By creating specific blocks of time devoted to all the things, I intend to be able to focus on my art and family each more presently. Ideally, I won’t be trying to work when Milo needs attention, or trying to dip out to the studio the second Eric walks in the door after work. Also, I will have time set aside for making with Milo (and Paul?) which means that I’ll be doing his project, not trying to do mine while he flounders around and gets distracted. Together, we will make art and although I am sure I’ll put some of these scraps in my collage box, the goal will be to spend time making with my kids, and nothing more.

On Community; I had no intention of including this as a part of my residency, however when I worked through the questionnaires on the ARIM website I realized that a huge part of what’s missing in my life is other people, pretty much in all forms. We’ve moved twice in the last two years, both during Covid, and the past year and a half have been quite light on relationships outside of our family. Even before the moves and the pandemic though, I often get so focused on my work / Linz time, that I prioritize it over getting out of the house and socializing. I included one hang per week, as a way to nurture friendships and meet new people in our area. Walks with Paul is also part of combating my inherent hermit habits.

Alright, that’s it for now. More soon!